


I Choose this Role

by goldenxdays (drops_of_creativity)



Series: Give Me Your Attention [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Presplit panic!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 11:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drops_of_creativity/pseuds/goldenxdays
Summary: Ryan's POV and added scenes for the first work in this series.(the first work is 5 times Brendon’s flirting fails with Ryan, and the one time it actually works)





	I Choose this Role

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I find it interesting when authors put another character’s POV for the same scene--the way one character interprets the scene is almost never the same way the other does. It is slightly different from the last fic because some scenes occur within roughly the same time as Brendon’s failed attempts to flirt with Ryan, instead of the exact time that the flirting attempt happened. DON'T CONSIDER THESE PART OF THE SAME STORY...i just wanted to see how the fic would be if it had a more angsty tone. Don't worry...part one Ryan is all fluff too :))
> 
> I would recommend reading the first part of the series before this for context.

#### 1.

Ever since the new boy (Brendon?) had joined their band, Ryan couldn’t stop his thoughts from wandering back to the first time they met. The moment Brendon had smiled at him, he had just known he was a complete goner. Brendon’s eyes, his smile, his _charisma_…he had struck a goldmine in genes and talent. Ryan was also thoroughly surprised by the sheer attraction he felt towards the boy, because he had a type, and it most definitely _was not_ awkward, adorable boys. 

And then his said awkward, adorable boy poked his head in through the warm-up room before soundcheck and he had to rethink his words. No, his type was definitely anything that had to do with Brendon. 

He couldn’t be too eager though, because Spencer (or perhaps Jon?) had warned him a long time ago that being too forward would scare people. So Ryan had a tactic. Hard to get. Yes, he was going to play hard to get, and it was going to work wonderfully for him.

Then he had to stifle a laugh because Brendon poked his head right back out of the room. “Brendon?” 

The boy in question hid behind the door, and Ryan could hear his rhythmic breathing. Why was it so adorable to him that Brendon was nervous about soundcheck? Not that he had any reason to be...his voice was wonderful, anyone would pay to hear it. And people were.

Feeling like a veteran of sorts in this industry (although he was only a year older), Ryan felt the need to reassure the younger boy. He looked up from connecting his guitar to a mic and his heart went out to the kid. _The poor boy looked terrified._ His face was frozen into a smile, and somehow Ryan’s thoughts _still_ ended up at how cute he managed to look.

“Come on, Bren. We need your lovely voice at soundcheck.” Ryan said with a smile.

If possible, Brendon’s grin grew in size and Ryan’s brain could not physically contain his thoughts anymore. His mouth opened on its own accord and “You’re too cute, Bren,” flowed out, almost as if the words themselves had wanted to be caressed by Brendon's ears. _Ahhhhhh,_ he inwardly cringed as he walked out. He had not meant to say that _at all_. Somewhere between Brendon hating him and never talking to him again lay his chances of playing hard to get. 

#### 2.

Ryan was tired. Scratch that, he was exhausted. But nothing, _nothing_, was in favor of him getting his much-needed sleep. The tour bus rental had apparently ended earlier that day, something which their manager had kindly forgotten to mention, and although there was a new tour bus that they could use from tomorrow, there was absolutely nowhere to stay for today. The city they were staying in had a grand total of three hotels, with a whopping max of 7 rooms each, and it was no surprise that each and every one was rented out to some family on a road trip, because who in their right mind would willingly come this far into nowhere if it wasn’t on the way to somewhere? At least, that’s how his Vegas-raised mind had thought of it.

It was nearing one in the morning and they had been walking from street to street trying to find any sort of inn or bed and breakfast that would be able to rent out four rooms for them. 

_At this point,_ Ryan thought irately, _I would be glad if we all had to share one bed so we could just get to sleep._

Their manager told them to wait outside a motel he found to check if they had any extra rooms. As soon as his back had fully disappeared into the motel, there was a shrill ringing from his pocket. Ryan tiredly lifted the offending device to his ear.

“Ryan Ross.”

“Ryan?” a decidedly female voice answered through the phone.

Ryan felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. 

“Keltie!” 

At that, he felt someone’s gaze on his back, and he knew without turning that it was Brendon. _You don’t owe anything to Brendon. _ Ryan reminded himself. _Keltie’s interested in you. Brendon’s not. You’ve barely got to know the kid, there’s no reason why you feel...nothing, you feel nothing for the kid, Ryan, just take this call and leave it at that. _

Ryan walked around the corner and pressed his phone to his ear again. He had missed half of some story Keltie was spouting about her new boss. “Sorry, Kels, missed that. What’s up?”

He felt a grin forming on his face as she began the story again. He truly did like her. She was one of the better things to happen to him.

“Hey, Kels…I really miss you,” he said after she had finished her story and the comfortable silence had stretched past a few minutes. “I don't...ah fuck it... Keltie?" 

"Mhm?"

If I could...possibly...fly you to out to the location of, say, our next show, which is uhm, later today, would you like to come and then perhaps have dinner with me?”

Keltie’s voice betrayed her smile. “Ah, desperate to see me, are you?”

“Something like that.”

_Desperate not to fall for Brendon. _ said the tiny voice in the back of his head.

“Of course, I’ll be there.”

Ryan smiled and pressed the red button to end the call. His spirits were lifted immensely as he walked back to the boys, sure that their manager, Ian, had found a place in the motel.

As the faces of his bandmates came into view, he could tell something was off by everyone’s facial expressions. Except Brendon’s. Brendon was grinning widely, and _damnit_, it was contagious.

“Did something happen?” Ryan asked Spencer. Spencer just shook his head in disbelief, so Ryan turned to Jon.

“Good news: we got somewhere to sleep. Bad news: one somewhere. We’re all in one room. With a single bed.” 

“Oh, come onnnn. It's not even that bad, guys. It’ll be a bonding experience!” Brendon exclaimed, promptly rolling his eyes at the faces his bandmates made. “I call me and Ryan on one half of the bed.”

Brendon practically bounded with joy into the motel and Ryan sighed.

_Perfect. Try not to fall for Brendon when you’re literally sleeping with him._

#### 3.

The tour had been broken into two legs, and Brendon was living next to Ryan. If that thought alone didn’t make him happy, then it was definitely the thought that he had found a surefire way to make Brendon aware of his feelings. Jon and Spencer had caught on to his relentless pining and told him that honestly, Brendon felt the exact same way, but...how could he, Ryan was practically out of his mind with emotional baggage, and there was no way that Brendon would still want him after knowing all of that. However, his (somewhat rare) positive thoughts were the ones to come up with a well thought out plan that was in one part a neighborly tradition, and in another part, a mating ritual for a bird (somewhere). 

He had read in some encyclopedia that when a bird brings back food for its mate, it signifies to both the parties that they are interested in one another. The way the encyclopedia had phrased it didn't make it seem romantic, but he was inspired, (and almost certain) that it would be romantic when _he_ did it for Brendon.

So he went down to the grocery store and grabbed some breakfast supplies. He had just finished making two portions of breakfast when he heard the piercing shriek of a fire alarm going off. Several terrible thoughts raced through his mind as he rushed to Brendon’s door, _who knew what had set off the fire alarm_, when Brendon opened the door armed with a silicone spatula in his hand and a sheepish smile. Smoke billowed out of his friend’s apartment and Ryan let out a sigh of relief as he held up his plate of breakfast to Brendon.

“Brendon Boyd Urie. You are never allowed to cook again." Ryan ordered. "You have no idea how fucking scared you made me.” 

Brendon almost looked relieved at that statement as he ushered Ryan in. “Oh _thank god_, because I have no idea how to cook.”

#### 4

Ryan told Brendon he might as well move in with him and it was possibly the boldest move Ryan had made in his life. Brendon had agreed to sell his apartment and insisted on sealing the deal with a giddy hug, one that Ryan repeatedly told himself in the course of the following hour _had not_ meant anything. But why in the world was Brendon taking so long? It had already been 1 day, 4 hours, 23 minutes, and 32.3 seconds.

_Oh my._ He facepalmed. _He had been counting._

#### 5

Brendon had begun to be a promise of security and safety. And Ryan was honored that with all the secrets that had willingly danced themselves into Brendon’s ear, Brendon had still chosen him. Ryan knew that any fear or doubt he had would be safe in Brendon's loving hands. Perhaps in time, they might be able to heal his broken pieces too. 

And Brendon somehow knew without asking that Ryan hated being left to meaningless conversation, so he took the fall for the band and stuck with Ryan at the Halloween party. Ryan mentally lectured himself, knowing that he had gotten far too dependent on the bubbly, effervescent boy. Ryan was sure that if you could be addicted to a person, he would have overdosed on Brendon at this point.

Trying to drown his feelings in liquor, Ryan drank almost three glasses within the first hour of entering the party. But the liquor only seemed to magnify the feelings of comfort and peace he found in Brendon. Stupid feelings. Always too stubborn to just go away.

By the time they had made their way to a window seat in the back of the house's library, Ryan could barely tear his face from the moonlit beauty next to him.

“Ryan?” Brendon whispered, and Ryan _felt_ it. He felt something in the air change between the two of them at that moment, but he just couldn’t fall for the electricity that was there because once he did there was no going back.

“Brendon” Ryan breathed.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest smile?”

Ryan was falling hard. Frantically, he thought of something to say that would lighten the crackling tension between them. “There’s a chance that a certain someone hinted at it when they told me my teeth were geometric.”

Brendon smiled, and it was so dazzling that something deep within his soul unlodged itself and his heart danced in the prison of his chest. No joke could ever be enough to diffuse this tension. Ryan tipped Brendon's face back towards him and whispered, “I think yours is much prettier than mine.”

Brendon blushed and at that moment Ryan knew that if he opened his mouth, a specific three words would come tumbling out in a declaration. Holding in the words was physically painful at this point. Ryan closed his eyes, willing alcohol-induced sleep upon himself. He drifted off with a pang of fear that his feeling of being home may never be reciprocated by the only person who had made it so. 

_ Not that it mattered. He would always choose to play a role in Brendon's life._

**Author's Note:**

> Uh...at least we know it works out in the end...
> 
> I wrote this because I find it interesting when authors put another character’s POV for the same scene--the way one character interprets the scene is almost never the same way the other does. It is slightly different from the last fic because some scenes occur within roughly the same time as Brendon’s failed attempts to flirt with Ryan, instead of the exact time that the flirting attempt happened. DON'T CONSIDER THESE PART OF THE SAME STORY...i just wanted to see how the fic would be if it had a more angsty tone. Don't worry...part one Ryan is all fluff too :))  
Comments are open!


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